Donny, a US military drone, conducts a heartfelt interview with the phrase “The War on Terror” in this excerpt from the book “President Terror” by John M. Busher out now on ITunes, Kindle (via Smashwords), and BarnesandNoble.com. They discuss ISIS, the Cheney Administration, Neoconmen, Muslim No Go Zones, the TPP (Trans Pacific Partnership) and The War on Terror’s own forthcoming 2016 United States Presidential Election Campaign.
Click! Click! Click! Oops. Sorry. You caught me, Donny, a non-sentient United States military unmanned fixed wing aerial vehicle in the middle of my staycation, killing time and taking photos of harmless touristy-type targets on the ground in the middle east or maybe I’m killing innocent civilians while blowing up buildings. I don’t really know. Who can keep track? It all gets mixed up like little human body parts after a Hellfire missile lands on target in the center of a crowded Middle Eastern elementary school playground.
I am here, flying around in the atmosphere 30,000 feet above the Middle East, waiting to meet my next interview subject, the phrase “The War on Terror”. You see, in addition to altruistically sharing missiles packed with red, white, and blue explosive flavored freedom, I moonlight as a blogger earning some extra income from advertising by conducting and publishing celebrity style interviews with things, inanimate objects, words and phrases on the web.
At this point you might be wondering how a non-sentient, missile launching, United States military fixed wing aerial drone can interview inanimate things, phrases, words and the body parts of geopolitically important humans. If that’s the only question bouncing around inside your skull as you read these artisan sentences, hand crafted by the same unmanned drone, you may want to consult with a psychologist who specializes in the reality modality.
I see the phrase “The War on Terror” waiting by the cirrus cloud bank one thousand feet over to my left. Let’s zip over there to start the interview.
Donny the Drone (cordially): Hello “War on Terror.”
The War on Terror (nervously): Hi. My people confirmed with your people we would conduct this interview within the boundaries of Sharia Law. Does that sound about right?
Donny the Drone: No problem. How are you?
The War on Terror: Scared Shitless!
Donny the Drone: Why?
The War on Terror (hysterically): ISIS is coming! ISIL is coming! ISIS is coming! ISIL is coming. ISIS is…” (Frustrated) “Why won’t they stick with one name?”
Donny the Drone: Calm down. Take three long, slow, deep breaths.
The War on Terror (dismayed): Look, ISIS warriors have stapled themselves to the exterior roof of the 747 airplane flying at an elevation of 30,000 feet right towards this cloud. Can we move this meeting to the dark side of the moon?
Donny the Drone: Sure. Hop onto my dorsal (top) side and hang on!
The War on Terror (relieved): Thank you.
Donny the Drone (now on the dark side of the moon): Ok, we safely made it here to the dark side of the moon. Better?
The War on Terror: For now. Holy crap, I can see through your satellite camera that ISIS members magically shape shifted themselves into Ebola infected nine, ten, eleven and twelve year old Central American children poised to invade the United States from Mexico!
Donny the Drone: Don’t worry. Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, while under indictment for abuse of power, just sent all the armed white people in Texas to the United States – Mexico border to repel those invading Ebola infested children.
The War on Terror (sarcastically): That’s comforting. (Continues with growing alarm) Look up there. ISIS struck a “rent with the option to buy” deal on the International Space Station and is maneuvering it towards our spot on the dark side of the moon. Oh my goodness! What are we going to do?
Donny the Drone: Let’s relocate this interview to the planet Jupiter.
The War on Terror: Can’t get there soon enough.
Donny the Drone, carrying the War on Terror, lands on Europe, of Jupiter’s moons.
Donny the Drone: I doubt ISIS will follow us here.
The War on Terror (skeptically): I don’t know. They are well funded. Look. I can see through your satellite camera that some of them are attempting to sneak down the New York State Thruway from the Canadian border.
Donny the Drone (fearlessly): Don’t worry. New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo will illegally throw the Moreland Anti-Corruption commission1 at ISIS to stop them cold.
The War on Terror (confused): Stop who? The Moreland Anti-Corruption Commission or ISIS?
Donny the Drone: Both!
The War on Terror (dread): Oh no!!! I see ISIS approaching Europa in a next generation space vessel they bought on eBay.
Donny the Drone: Ok. Get on my back. We’ll fly to Pluto. I doubt ISIS will follow us all the way to there.
The War on Terror (aghast): Maybe not but some ISIS members are trying to sneak onto the George Washington Bridge from New Jersey!
Donny the Drone: Don’t worry. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie closed all the bridge access lanes to ISIS and everyone else.
The War on Terror (In a post coital state of relaxation):Whew. Christie fights for the people! How does my hair look?
Donny the Drone: How does your hair look??? Are you freaking nuts? We’re jetting to Pluto. Who gives a crap?
The War on Terror (freaked out): AAAHHH! Look! ISIS dashed past us and landed on Pluto first.
Donny the Drone: I’m beat and almost out of fuel. Let’s jump on that passing Asteroid shuttle headed directly back towards Earth.
The War of Terror (Surprised & Disheartened): An Al Qaeda pilot is flying this asteroid space vessel! He says Al Qaeda won the right to operate a fleet of asteroid shuttles in the Milky Way Galaxy through a no bid contract with the Cheney administration.
Donny the Drone: No problem. I prepaid for the Al Qaeda Asteroid shuttle tickets using Apple Pay last week.
Al Qaeda Asteroid Pilot & Steward (warmly): Welcome to Al Qaeda Inter Galactic Air. Can I scan your asteroid tickets please?
Donny the Drone: Let’s grab those seats towards the back between the bathrooms and the food court to settle down and really start the interview.
The War on Terror: Can I get the window seat?
Donny the Drone: Sure. How do you feel now that we are comfortably settled in on the luxurious Al Qaeda piloted asteroid shuttle?
The War on Terror: Richer!
Donny the Drone: Richer? Why richer?
The War on Terror: Every time I scream hysterically about ISIS to your audience, the value of my War on Terror Wall Street stock fund increases 5%.
Donny the Drone: That’s brilliant. Which companies’ stocks are in the War on Terror stock fund?
You can read the complete heart to heart conversation between Donny and the War on Terror in the book “President Terror” by John M. Busher available on ITunes, Kindle via Smashwords, and Barnesandnoble.com. They discuss the Cheney Administration, Neoconmen, Muslim No Go Zones, the TPP (Trans Pacific Partnership) and The War on Terror’s own forthcoming 2016 United States Presidential Election Campaign with its rumored running mate, the phrase “Representation without Taxation”. The United States Constitution and the Bill of Rights both make a special guest appearance.