Here are the conclusions and recommendations to the officially unofficial Bridgegate Report New Jersey Governor Chris Christie paid $1,000,000 of taxpayer money to clear his ass. You can read the complete interview with this same BridgeGate Report here conducted, Sativa Sue, a beautiful fragrant large bud of sativa marijuana.
1. Chris Christie runs a really, really, tight ship.
2. Chris Christie created a positive, loving & emotionally supportive administration.
3. Closing three lanes of traffic on a major bridge isn’t as bad as annexing whole parts of another country.
4. Russian President Vladimir Putin makes Chris Christie look like a cute cuddly baby teddy bear.
5. Chris Christie is a more honest elected official than Richard Nixon, Rod Blagojevich, Anthony Weiner, Eliot Spitzer, and Jesse Jackson Jr.
6. Chris Christie would make a better United States President than Hillary Clinton, Rand Paul, Jeb Bush and Bobby Jindal, Ronald Reagan, John F Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln and George Washington.
7. Fox News really is fair and balanced.
1. Ignore any evidence, no matter how valid, that directly contradicts the conclusion that Chris Christie had no advance knowledge or involvement in the George Washington Bridge Traffic Jam of 2013.
2. Don’t cross Chris Christie.
3. Elect a Governor who conducts themselves ethically so you don’t have to waste taxpayer money to hire/appoint an ethics officer.
4. Vote for Chris Christie for any office he campaigns for.
5. If you cross Chris Christie move out of the state/country he leads.
6. If, as the elected leader of a state or country, your legislative body decides to investigate any element of your administration pay an outside law firm to create an inscrutable, independent report confirming your innocence in the matter and release the results before any other reports come out.
If you enjoy this kind of humor feel free to support the author, John M. Busher, by buying one or both of his satirical ebooks he self-published through a service called Smashwords for $2.99 each. You can read the books on pretty much all electronic platforms/devices – PC, Kindle, iPad, Nook etc.
1. Donny The Drone’s Terrific Guide to American Exceptionalism. A missile launching United States military drone named Donny interviews the phrase “american exceptionalism”.